I dont even know how I feel right now…

Everything was falling together perfectly, then out of nowhere this rage erupts in me causing every little thing to irritate me to the point of insanity. To the point to where a small voice in a corner could send me into this outrage that won’t stop for about two hours. I think i’ve gone mad… 

Maybe it’s the fact that I work two jobs, I support my boyfriend and myself, I help my friends when they need it and what do I get in return…

I get a messy house because im so exhausted that I don’t want to clean it, I get an upset boyfriend because I don’t have the money or gas to keep him busy, so he ends up stuck inside all day bored because I can’t even afford internet. I get an irritable, tired, wants to just off someone person who doesn’t even know who she is anymore… Im lost. 

About twenty mins ago, I think I may have lost someone who has been my first love, and my current love just because he was having fun and I wanted to go home and go to bed. I flipped… I went psycho bitch and told him I was done about twenty mins ago…. I haven’t heard anything since, whats sad is as long as its taking me to write this and sit at this mcdonalds i could’ve been waiting in the parking lot about ten more mins and he would be done, and I would be in his arms but I’m foolish and selfish, and I’m wrong. 

I dont know where to begin… all of this emotions are driving me mad. Its one huge ass rollercoaster that I can’t seem to either get strapped into, or get out of. 

My life is a turmoil… I want an escape, more than that I need an escape but if I don’t do the work around here, who will…? No one which is why I’m stuck at two jobs, paying bills and going mad. Who knows maybe one day i’ll find my escape, if i don’t end up in an insane asylum before then….